I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
