drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize