So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
