end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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