He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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