How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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