there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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