my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
