Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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