dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
