are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
