haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
