I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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