No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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