Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
