oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
