I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
