I think i sorta joined a cult last night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
