mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
