He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
