glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
