return my video game
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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