I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
