Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
