I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are two peas in an std pod
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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