I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
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Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?