Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME