Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(