In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture