Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.