Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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