my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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