I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
