The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
