so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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