her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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