How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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