Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A bitchslap is in order.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
