i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
