Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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