Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
