So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
