Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
