You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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