i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
