Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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