I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
