I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
