can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
