You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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