I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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