Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I skipped work to stalk him.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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