i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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