I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
