You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
