dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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