When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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