About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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