i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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