hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
