I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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