I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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